Always You: Prequel to Falling for Mr Wrong Read online

  “God, I missed you Bea,” he murmured before kissing the words from her mouth. And this was why he’d struggled to date, let alone sleep with someone else. He wanted her, more than he’d ever wanted a woman.

  Her fingers grappled with the buckle of his belt, tugging at his trousers. “Ash, I want you, I need you,”

  He wanted her, too, longed to taste her, pleasure her but stepped back.

  They both gulped air, staring at each other.

  “I can’t do this again,” he said in a low voice. “You made a mistake in coming here.”

  “You want me, I know you do,” she pleaded. Her eyes were filled with reckoning.

  “I do,” he said. God help him, he was torn between walking out of her room and resuming what they’d just started. He knew if he tasted her again, he’d never be able to let her go. And that would destroy him, because Bea would never commit to what he wanted. He wanted a wife, a family, a home. Everything that she didn’t.

  “We can work it out. I told you, I’ve changed.” She took his hand in hers. “Please Ash.”

  He shook his hand free. “I offered you everything and you said no.”

  “I was wrong,” she said, bowing her head so her gaze was directed to the floor.

  “Bea, I received your first email months after I came here. The week following our break-up, there were plenty of photos of you with your friends, enjoying yourself. You didn’t seem to be as heartbroken as you claimed to be,” he admitted in a tight voice.

  Seeing photos of her dancing, posing with different men, reinforced what his parents had said; he should stay away from party girls. Drinking in excess, drugs and a careless lifestyle were not for him. Bea hadn’t had an easy childhood but unlike many others, she had a dependable brother who cared for her and foster parents to guide her. Unfortunately, she’d rejected the love of her family and instead preferred to spend time with her friends, who he thought were a bunch of tossers.

  There was no way to compromise. Bea had made that perfectly clear to him one year ago. What he felt was lust, and eventually that would fade. Long-lasting love was what he was after. He’d thought that he’d had it with Bea, turned out he was wrong.

  Catching her gaze, he said, “I came to Israel to get away from you. You broke my heart. Go back to your fun in London and leave me alone.” He drew in a jagged breath. “You’re right that I still want you, but that’s not a strong foundation for a relationship.”

  She nodded in reply, and there was no moment of pleasure seeing her shoulders slump in defeat.

  “Good bye,” he said, and hurried from her room, lest he do something stupid like kiss her again.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Bea watched the door close behind him and bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. Slumping to the floor, she relived every minute of their encounter, from his heart stopping kisses to his outright refusal of her. She’d hoped and prayed that she could convince him that she’d changed. She’d changed because of him.

  Burying her face in her hands, the possibility of draining the bar fridge of every tiny bottle seduced her. The desire to obliterate the past few minutes with alcohol allured her so much that she could already taste the sharp spirits and the mind-numbing effect she craved. Maybe just one drink? She reasoned with herself. Just a little one to help with the pain.

  Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she stood on shaky legs and headed towards the small fridge discreetly hidden in her room. Just one, she thought. She licked her lips, wanting to obliterate the pain inside of her. Just one.

  She reached the door of the fridge and she opened it, the air that whooshed out cooled her skin and she looked at the array of her drinks. Staring at the beverages, she pushed away all reasons why she shouldn’t and focused on the sensation of dulling the hurt inside of her.

  One drink wasn’t enough. She needed more.

  After years of self-infliction, one drink wouldn’t dull the pain, she’d need a few. Squatting, she looked in and smiled at her favourites—wine, gin, vodka. A cocktail mix of all would be perfect.

  Her heart pounded against her chest and the sound rang in her ears. Smiling, she reached for the wine. A dry white. Perfect.

  Don’t do it. A voice, deep inside, yelled out at her.

  Where had that come from? She placed the small bottle beside the stemmed glasses.

  Screwing her eyes tight, she dropped to the floor, buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She couldn’t do it to herself. She’d told Ash she’d changed and she had. Drowning her sorrows in alcohol as she had so many times over the years was not the answer. She deserved better and so did Ash.

  Ash.

  She wanted him, wanted him to believe in her. He wouldn’t if he knew she’d blotted the pain with booze. There had to be a better way. She knew it, she just had to work out how to do it.

  It would be worth it. Ash was worth it.

  Bea woke the following morning, grumpy, irritable and tired but not hungover. She’d had a lucky escape last night, the first time in months when she’d been sorely seduced to revert to her old ways. But she’d resisted.

  Despite the lack of sleep and a phone call to her mentor, Amelia, in the early hours of the morning, she knew she’d made the right decision. It had not been easy to resist the temptation of the bottle. It had drawn her, enticed her. If she and Ash had any chance of having a life together, she needed to hold herself stable and in control, and not risk it all. She had to be strong and resist. Resisting was the only way she could get by each day, so she could be the woman that she, her family and Ash could be proud of.

  Unable to face the crowds, Bea ordered room service, content to have breakfast on her own before venturing out into the desert heat.

  After a hot shower and two large coffees, Bea trembled as she slid her fingertips over Ash’s contact details on her mobile phone screen. Her heart thumped against her ribs as the phone rang.

  “Yes, Bea,” he answered on the fifth ring, his voice deep and gravelly as if he hadn’t slept.

  The words tumbled from her mouth. “I need to talk to you, please see me—”

  “I think we’ve said all we need to,” he said.

  She heard the resignation in his voice but it made her more determined. “Please Ash, we didn’t get a chance to talk properly. Give me one more chance.” She didn’t deserve another chance, but she begged all the same. “Please, please, give me an hour, that’s all I ask. Whenever you can.”

  He sighed loudly and she heard the tap of his fingers on his laptop keys. “I’m busy all day. I’ll come to your hotel around at seven thirty. I’ll message you if I’m caught up with work and running late.”

  Her heart leapt for joy at the chance she’d been given. “Thank you, thank you. Let me explain everything to you and if after, you want nothing to do with me,” she paused, “I promise to leave you alone and never contact you again. You have my word.”

  “I’ll see you tonight,” he said before disconnecting the call.

  She fell back on to the pillows and clutched the phone with relief. She’d done it. She had a chance to be with Ash and she wouldn’t bungle it this time. Smiling, she made her way to the breakfast she’d ordered and hadn’t been able to eat. Nerves had made her stomach clench but now, feeling happier and relaxed, she sat down and enjoyed the fruit salad, boiled eggs and freshly baked bread she’d ordered.

  After a day of pampering in the spa, a swim in the Dead Sea and hours by the hotel pool reading her book, Bea was counting down the minutes till her date with Ash. She’d seen her brother for five minutes in the afternoon and there was a spark in his eyes, which made her wonder what he was up to.

  Frustrated that he wouldn’t confide in her, she decided she was going to find out what Nate was being so secretive about. Dressed in yet another sundress that she’d designed and created, she walked around the hotel, checked all the public areas till she found him.

  He was with a woman. She gasped! He was smiling and his face had lit up in a
way she hadn’t seen for years. Something was going on and she wanted to know what.

  She bounded over and noticed the woman, who was around her age, fiddle with a serviette in her lap. She hadn’t looked in Bea’s direction, her focus was on Nate.

  Giving her brother a quick peck on the cheek, Bea said, “Sorry to disturb, but I just wanted to ask you something.”

  Nate stood before brushing his lips across her cheek. “Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?” He stood in front of Bea, blocking her view of the woman he was with.

  “No, I want to meet your date.” She pushed her brother out of the way. Her jaw dropped and her mouth formed a large O. “Oh my goodness!” She pointed at his date. “You’re the nanny who had an affair, the one with Sebastian Porter. While his wife was having cancer treatment!”

  The woman’s face, who she believed was Tilly Walker, went ash white and her eyes widened.

  “What on earth are you doing here?” She heard her excited voice rise an octave or three. “Who’d have guessed you’d be hiding out in Israel of all places?”

  Nate’s date shook her head. “No, you’re mistaken.”

  Her brother stepped forward yet again blocking Bea’s view, of the woman, with his body. “Bea, you’ve made a mistake.” He paused. “I’m with Summer.”

  “She looks like the nanny on the news.” She poked her head over his shoulder to have another peek at her.

  Nate placed his arm around his sister’s waist, so they stood next to each other. “Summer, this is my sister, Bea. Bea, this is”—he paused—“Summer.”

  His date gave Bea a tight smile. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Summer’s from New Zealand and bears a striking resemblance to her.” Nate continued. “In fact, I was just recommending she avoid London for the time being in case she’s mistaken for that Australian”—he stopped and made a show of scratching his chin—“what’s-her-name?”

  “Tilly,” Bea clarified.

  “Oh yes, that’s right.” He looked at his watch. “Don’t you have someone to meet?”

  She gave her brother an icy stare. “You want me to leave?”

  “I didn’t say that.” He paused as his eyebrow cocked skyward. “Don’t you think you should get ready for your dinner with Ash?”

  The other woman stood. “Nate, it was lovely to meet you but I’ve got to go,” she said. “My bus leaves soon.” She looked at her watch. “Goodness, it’s so late.”

  “But-I—”

  “They run once an hour and I don’t want to miss it.” She said with a smile. “Thank you for the drink. It was really nice.” Nodding politely at Bea, she turned and walked.

  Nate didn’t even bother to acknowledge her before he followed the young woman as she strode towards the lobby.

  Bea’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. Summer? Seriously? Nate expected her to believe he was with Summer from New Zealand. Forget it, she knew that woman was Tilly Walker, the Naughty Nanny. Tilly’s face had been plastered on the news for the past few weeks because of her indecent involvement with Sebastian Porter. Sebastian’s name made her shudder with distaste.

  Undoubtedly Tilly had fallen prey to Sebastian, just as she had all those years ago.

  God, what a tosser Sebastian was. She hated him and secretly wished men like him could still be tarred and feathered, like in the olden days.

  Her head swam and she leaned against a chair for support. Nate had gone after Tilly, leaving her and their drinks behind. She eyed their half-empty wine glasses and her mouth watered at the need to finish them off. No. She’d moved on, she reminded herself.

  Sebastian wasn’t worth it, and neither was she.

  She didn’t need to lose herself in a drink or three. Glancing at her watch, she realised she’d be meeting Ash soon. She’d wait for him in the lobby, away from any temptations.

  Surprisingly, she found Ash waiting for her in the lobby and her heart flip-flopped in nervous anticipation. Standing in front of him, she smiled. “Hello.”

  “Hello,” he replied. Despite the tense situation between them, his face softened as she walked over, but he seemed relieved she hadn’t kissed him.

  “Thanks for meeting me. You’re early,” she said with a quick look at her watch.

  “My meeting ended quicker than I had expected. We can have dinner and talk.” He yawned. “Sorry, I’m tired.”

  She looped her arm through his. “I didn’t sleep well either. Come on,” she tugged him towards the restaurant.

  Looking at him, she took in his piercing blue eyes, square chin and his three-day stubble. She had to make a concerted effort not to trail her fingers along his jaw, like she enjoyed. In his late-teens, he was good looking but now in his late-twenties, he was devastatingly handsome and had a reassuring presence about him that she found appealing.

  In the restaurant, they were shown to a small table, close to where her brother had been sitting.

  “Are you here with Nate? I thought I saw him.”

  “Yes, he’s here working on a secret story, but I think I know what it is.”

  His forehead creased. “A scandal, here in the Israeli desert? Unlikely. Your brother focuses on the English political scene.”

  She leaned forward and whispered in a conspiratorial voice. “What if I told you that the Naughty Nanny was here, in Israel?”

  “Really?” His interest was more than just in gossip. “I would never have guessed her to have come here.”

  “I saw her with my own eyes.” She paused. “I was so shocked seeing her in Israel that I wasn’t very welcoming to her. I wanted to tell her I believed her.”

  “Sebastian strikes again, it seems.”

  “Yes,” she replied slowly.

  His hand covered hers. “Are you okay about it?”

  “Surprisingly, yes,” she said with pride. “I’ve hated him for years.”

  “After what he did to you.”

  She bowed her head, unable to meet his gaze. “I wanted to die.”

  “You almost succeeded,” he said with a strangled sob.

  “At least Nate found me and had me taken to a hospital, so my stomach could be pumped.”

  “But what I can’t understand is why you continued with a lifestyle filled with overindulgence, drunkenness and lechery. You were given two chances,” he raised two fingers. “The first was when Nate rescued you from a suicide attempt and the second was when the Youngs fostered you.” He drew in a ragged breath. “You had a chance to shine, a chance to make an impression on the world and instead. . .you didn’t.”

  She looked at him, beseeching him to listen to her. “I know. I did the wrong thing many times. I became the tart everyone thought I was.”

  “Not everyone. I heard Sebastian bragging about you, but I didn’t believe him.”

  “You believed in me when no one else did.” Her insides melted in awe of how stalwart and determined he was. Even in his teens, Ash had ignored the gossip about her.

  “I did, your brother and your foster parents did. But you let us all down,” he said in a tight voice, reminding her of how badly she’d behaved.

  She bowed her head in shame. “I know. I slept around and deserved the reputation I got.” She paused when she heard his sharp intake of breath. “The worst is how I treated you—”

  “You’ve apologised many times for what you did. You were young—”

  “Almost eighteen.”

  “You’d had a hard life,” he started to say. She’d heard it before and unlike before she said, “Yes, but it doesn’t excuse how I behaved and more importantly how badly I hurt you.”

  “You’ve apologised many times,” he started to say.

  She had, when they’d reconnected eighteen months ago. A chance meeting in a pub. She’d been there on a blind date and he’d been there to meet friends. Fortunately, her date was a no-show and he’d been happy to spend time with her instead of watching football.

  They’d spent the night talking, and every night after that. Their relation
ship had been a whirlwind and three dates later, they’d ended up in bed and at the time, Bea was certain she’d never leave or hurt him again.

  But she had.

  A waiter came to take their order. “Sparkling water for me, thanks,” she said and noticed Ash’s raised eyebrow. He ordered a beer for himself, some pita bread, hummus and marinated olives.

  “No wine?” he asked after the waiter had left.

  She giggled nervously. “Would you believe I haven’t had a drink in nine months?”

  “What about drugs?” he asked leaning forward, his eyes dark with remorse.

  CHAPTER THREE

  She could see the hurt in his blue eyes, all because of her. She’d inflicted it, it was her doing, her fault. The responsibility weighed heavily on her shoulders like a heavy blanket, making her feel hot, bothered and anxious.

  But now she had a chance to fix things and make them right. Not just for her. Her selfish behaviour had long dissipated, but now she wanted to do the right thing for her and Ash, so they had a chance to be together.

  That was why she’d come to Israel. Even if Nate hadn’t dragged her along, she would’ve come anyway because Ash was the man for her. She couldn’t lose him for a third time.

  Determination made her spine stiffen. “No. Nothing,” she said with pride. She could do this now; it was time to lay everything out in front of him and show him the woman that she was now. She pushed away her demons, her alcohol abuse, her party ways and her loser friends. They weren’t really friends at all, she knew that now. She’d created a new life and career for herself. She just had to show him she was the woman he wanted.

  The waiter returned, placing their drinks and nibbles on the table.

  “Toda rabah,” Ash thanked him before the younger man left, leaving them alone.

  She took a sip of her water to moisten her lips and dry mouth. “I was heartbroken when you left.”

  “You left me,” he reminded her in a tight voice.

  Her hand waved in the air. “Whatever. I missed you more than I ever expected. The pain was unbearable and I stupidly started spending time with my clubbing friends. I got caught up in the scene.” She made quotation marks in the air when she said scene. “I stayed out all night, drank too much and lost my job.” She paused, remembering the humiliation of being sacked from a job she loved. “I had a dream job, an opportunity for a brilliant career in fashion and I lost it. And then I took the wrong path yet again. I’m ashamed to say that those photos of me dancing topless were taken while I was under the influence. At the time, I was proud. All the guys thought I was hot and the girls were jealous.